Paris est une blonde....

I have started to plan out my return to Paris, because I have to be there.

My ex would love that, if he knew, because the day he threw me out of his house with 2 suitcases, 2 other big pieces of luggage, 1 box full of books, 2 bags of groceries i'd just purchased minus the things he had opened and began eating, and no money, oh yes and no where to go, just before that he came into the bedroom and said "Why don't you go back to Chicago?" and I thought to myself, "Why don't you go back to Chicago, bitch?" But I didn't say it out loud, because there might have been a fist fight, I was truly ready to steal off of him; I was that angry and he is that much of a bitch. One of us probably wouldn't have gone to jail. Anyway, He doesn't want me in the same city. Strange, I guess the guilt is too strong and might show with whoever he is attempting to screw or go out with now to erase the memory of me instead of just dealing with it. The prospect of being a real man is so scary to him, so scary to so many of them really. At first they have a hard time figuring out what it means to be a man (and so do some of us) fortunately, I've been aware of what it takes since I was very young. I haven't found it yet. Wait, I've known one, no two. One I didn't meet him first and the other likes boys, so they're both off the market. Wait, three, the third is one of my close friends and it's just not going down between us... All of the rest of them have all been bitch-ass tricks...

Just so you know, boys, being a man isn't about how much money you make or your car or your clothes or that your preferred sport is football as opposed to ice skating or sychronized swimming. Being a man is also not about fighting, controlling 'your woman', treating women like property and/or whores to be used and disposed of on a whim, drinking too much, soliciting prostitutes, making babies and either leaving them or ignoring them, or having sex with people just because you can. On the other hand, it is also not, for all of you sensitive men, about saying you understand women's needs, or gazing intently into her eyes while having a conversation with her, or speaking in a hushed voice, or saying things like "be well..." (EVERYONE STOP THAT, BY THE WAY, MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE). Just because you can cry doesn't make you a man, sensitive men, depending on why you're crying and the frequency of it, it really just makes you a bitch. Don't be fooled ladies, the sensitive men, are the worst, because they often think they know, that they've become men now that they pick up and thumb through the occasional issue of O Magazine or that they drink wine instead of doing shots or chugging beer. They are usually passive-aggressive milque-toasts.

So, what is being a man all about? For me, for most women, I think, it's really about a person's humanity. It's about taking responsibility and not being afraid. It's about being a good and decent human being who owns his triumphs and his mistakes. This is not about someone who just pays lip service to the concepts of responsibility and accountability. A man is someone who does what he has to do to protect and take care of his family and those close to him, not just himself. He does sacrifice, he does give of himself, and he is open. He stops and takes the time to figure out what he wants and how to get it and then acts. But if he doesn't get what he wants or encounters adversity or failure, he does not blame, run, or abuse. If he cries, it's not for show or to prove something, or because he is a bitch who is trying to manipulate, like most of his sensitive brethren. He is not without faults, but he recognizes them in himself and checks himself accordingly, again he does not blame or lie, or distance himself in embarrassment and if any of this does occur HE OWNS HIS MISTAKES.

This is no different than what it takes to be a woman. As I've said all of this is about humanity. Real men, real women, are people dedicated to being the best human beings they can be. Some are born this way others learn and take the next step, others like my ex, know, but stay right where they are. They take the long way home from school to avoid what they perceive to be life's bullies, avoiding the painful journey to manhood because they think the way around it is somehow easier and less painful. In the end, boys, it's not. What's better, facing up to life or spending the rest of your life in a darkened room filled with regret and cigarette smoke, watching porn, banging prostitutes and other unsavories, and watching stupid shit on television?

This did not turn out to be about Paris, I meant it to be....