100 Things That Make Me Happy

I haven't felt like writing anything; I have been down. I am no longer the sunny girl who returned from France a few short months ago, she is lost right now. Confusion, uncertainty, and loneliness have ruled in recent days. I had a revelation today but I'm not sure that I'm ready or willing to share that here. But, I also realized that I only seem to think about things that make me sad, or angry, or dissatisfied (it's like I'm French or something). So many of us do that, not even realizing it. When it hit me, I saw that this could be a way to take one day at a time, so, I decided that I would only think about things that make me happy. I decided that I would create a mental list of things that I like, things that make me smile. AND, it worked. For about 2 hours I walked around, ran some errands and thought of the things that make me happy. Now as I sit, I see even further evidence, because a smile has settled on my lips where a frown seemed permenently etched a few hours ago. So I'll have a reminder in the days ahead, I'll put these things into words, tangible things, that I can see it in front of me any time I need a lift. Maybe I'l even make a painting or collage of them.

I may not finish it all in one sitting and it's in no particular order, but here goes...

100 Things That Make Me Happy

1. the taste of lemons
2. babies giggling
3. getting my first summer 'tan'
4. the song "My Favorite Things" as sung by Diana Ross and as interpreted by John Coltrane
5. walking in the summer sun, having the warmth hit my face and shoulders, then unexpectedly passing through a cool, shady spot and vice versa
6. eating sweet, cold watermelon
7. eating sweet, cold canteloupe
8. the crisp, snap of the darkest, sweetest, summer cherries
9. beautiful, brown skin, the lightest, the darkest and all shades in between
10. reading books by Louise Erdrich
11. looking at old photographs with my family
12. drinking really cold water when I'm really thirsty
13. seahorses
14. watching bees at work
15. beautiful, rugged landscapes
16. being in the mountains
17. hearing my grandmother say old, country things like: "...you get 'em for a song" or "...he found a bird's nest on the ground" or "you're yet in the backyard with them chillun'?"
18. snow. lots of undisturbed, beautiful snow, blanketing every inch of outside
19. the quiet stillness it brings
20. solitude
21. being with someone I adore
22. having ham, sweet potatoes, biscuits, and greens for sunday dinner. apart is great, but all together is most wonderful
23. seeing little girls double-dutch
24. hearing little kids laugh and play during the summer time
25. sitting on the porch at my grandmother's house
26. getting compliments from nice, old men
27. getting compliments from other women
28. seeing ethnic kids who know about themselves and have been taught to be proud and strong
29. talking to gifted or beautiful people who are slightly self-deprecating, it's so refreshing
30. dogs
31. my bunny, Lily
32. sleeping late or lying in bed on rainy days and hearing the tap-tap-tap of raindrops hitting the windowpane
33. house music. 1980s Chicago-style, loud and thumping through my body, driving me to dance.
34. the smell of Bois Ciré candles from Diptyque
35. pictures you develop that turn out to be unexpectedly good
36. watching people open presents I've given them that make them happy
37. Pere Lachaise cemetery
38. boat rides
39. Saintes-Maries-de-la-Mer, France
40. taking driving trips in the heat and sun of summer, windows down, music blaring from the radio and singing along, of course
41. singing in Spanish and Portuguese
42. the word Tunisia
43. the smell of extra virgin olive oil
44. boys I love getting me glasses of water before bed
45. The Isley Brothers
46. having the courage to throw myself into the unknown
47. having loved someone with every ounce of my being
48. my friend Jesus
49. meeting girls and finding out that they're really goofy. funny, goofy, I mean
50. having someone who has wronged me have the courage to tell me so
51. being able to let go of them even if they don't
52. when what comes around goes around
53. cake
54. flowers
55. books
56. riding my bike
57. an old school hip-hop mix I have that includes "It Takes Two", "A Children's Story", "Cha
Cha Cha", "Treat 'Em Right", "I Got It Made" and "Don't Sweat the Technique" all on one tape
58. childhood memories of cleaning the house with my mother while listening to WBMX all day
59. love bites on the back of my neck and shoulders
60. watching reruns of Designing Women
61. wild, thick, kinky hair
62. having people in my life who can build and create things
63. hazelnut ice cream
64. crepes filled with nutella and coconut
65. sex with someone I love
66. deep connections with people
67. fireplaces
68. lamb chops
69. Woodstock (from Peanuts)
70. happy kids
71. running into my former students and learning that they are doing well, or that they have
overcome the worst and landed on their feet
72. feeling free
73. being outside
74. thinking about my old high school/college friend Rob
75. the first two albums by The Sundays
76. listening to my Uncle Tyrone and my Uncle Sammy when they get on a roll --HILLARIOUS
78. being in Seattle
79. planning for my life in Paris
80. doing dances where you have to follow a boy's lead
81. good boys--young and old
82. tough girls
83. being the woman of my dreams--if I were a boy
84. girls with curvy bodies who are proud of them and boys who like girls with curvy bodies
85. I'm not afraid to know or tell the truth
86. I am fearless
87. I don't care if people like me
88. I am discerning
89. the view of the Eiffel Tower on the metro on line #6 between stops Bir-Hakeim and Dupleix
90. writing
91. the idea of becoming a journalist
92. the idea of becoming a mother some day
93. talking and laughing with my friend Sirlester
94. taking trips to new places
95. sleeping
96. being around people who have nothing to prove
97. childhood memories of barbeques with my family in my grandmother's backyard
98. having people drop in on me
99. spontaneity
100. the feel and smell of slipping between cool, clean sheets